Road Stories – Third InstallmentĀ 

I was working at a club one night , and almost immediately I noticed a guy in the front row had his back to the stage. We were sold out and everyone seemed to be having fun, but this one guy couldn’t be bothered to turn his chair around to face the stage. 

I let it go for a while, but at some point I couldn’t help myself – I had to address the guy to find out what was his problem…

Me (to guy) on stage with Mic in hand:.  Excuse me……  Sir…..  Excuse me sir, you in the front with your back to the stage…..

NOTHING from him.

Me (continuing): Hey buddy, why don’t you turn around? Guy in the front row I’m talking to you…. Excuse me, Mr. Rude F**ker if you don’t like my show, you don’t have to stay…. 


Me (not sure if it’s funny or aggravating): Hey Rude F**ker, the stage is behind you. Who goes to a show they plan to ignore? At this point, I’m pretty committed to getting your attention just to find out what your deal is.


Me (deciding to be ridiculous): Hey you, F**k you…. Did you hear me? F**k you! I’m not kidding F**k you…

Then I went into a controlled tirade of F**k yous. After the third or fourth one the man half turns around. He’s got a huge smile on his face. I try to quickly assess the situation and almost instantly realize he was signing for a big group. Not only was he signing, but he was signing to his group every single F**k you out of my mouth that was directed at him. As he turned, I could actually see him signing my tirade as I was cussing him out. My heart sank. I felt like such an A-hole. 

At this point the guy, his group, and the rest of the sold out audience bust a gut laughing. It seems everyone (but me) was completely aware the entire time what was going on. NOT ONE PERSON CLUED ME IN! 300 + people were perfectly happy to watch me dig the hole deeper and deeper. Thankfully everyone thought it was funny and after I got over feeling like an idiot, I gota good laugh out of it too.

Turns out the group called the club, made arrangements for the signer to be in the front so he could be visible to everyone. However, the club forgot to mention it to me. 

It’s moments like this that you never forget.

The accidental A-hole

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