Road Stories – Seventh Installment

Several years ago I was hired in Phoenix to do a private show for the Utah Jazz 100 club (NBA booster club). Every year the booster club would take a road trip with the team, usually sometime around Christmas. This group could not have been nicer, and the show was a great deal of fun.

The stage was full of deeply hypnotized and funny volunteers. Since it was Christmas time I decided to do a bit that combined Christmas and an hypnotic phenomenon called regression (yes, another regression bit that became a learning moment for me). 

Here’s the bit;  1- take what I think is the best choice to play a shopping mall Santa Claus. 2- hypnotically age him to about 90 years old. 3- hypnotically suggest that he’s cranky and not a fan of children

Next;  1- hypnotically age regress the rest of the volunteers to about 5 years old at the mall excited to sit on Santa’s lap.

Finally;  I play the elf who brings the kids up to Santa (1 at a time) to sit on Santa’s lap.

I get to a volunteer (roughly 30 yrs old) who’s giddy with excitement, and I walk him over to Santa. This man/child HOPS onto Santa’s lap. Santa audibly grunts with shock and discomfort…

Man/child: HI SANTA

Santa (not saying hi back, then in the grumpiest voice I’ve ever heard): What do you want for Christmas?

Man/child: Santa, I want a bb gun for Christmas

Santa (I’m not exaggerating!!!): F**k you! Now, get off my lap you big bastard.

The audience (somewhat shocked), burst out laughing. It was such a huge moment in the show, no one (including me) noticed how unhappy Man/child was at Santa’s mean comment. Man/child stood up, and after taking a step back towards his chair, turned back around and yelled: “I hate you Santa Claus”. Then, without warning, kicked Santa in the shin. The audience burst out laughing even louder.

I quickly walked Man/child back to his chair and immediately gave suggestions to him to return to his normal age and find the humor in the hypnotic bit. Then I went back to Santa and gave him some quick suggestions for pain relief to his shin. The rest of the bit and the rest of the show went without incident and continued to be fun with lots of laughs.

After the show I found out two interesting tidbits that made things even funnier:

1. Man/child’s wife (came up to me to tell me): A few weeks ago I was at my husband’s family reunion. One thing I heard over and over during the reunion was, when my husband was a little boy and he didn’t get his way or when he got mad he would kick someone in the shin. I couldn’t believe it. But I just saw him as a 5 year old get mad and kick Santa right in the shin. They might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, and now I sure he was hypnotized and was 5 years old.

2. Several people came up to tell me the volunteer who I picked for Santa Claus used to be the Mayor of Salt Lake City. To see him say “F**k you” to the little boy who wanted a bb gun was hysterical, surprising, and the funniest thing ever.
I will always post road stories that have predictable moments, unpredictable moments, learning moments, things that worked out the way I wanted, things that went a little off the rails, etc………  I will also say, thankfully, even when bits go in a direction that needs a quick course correction I’ve been able to immediately stop what’s going on, to evaluate, and then correct the direction. 
Thank you for taking the time to read this!

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